Friday, July 2, 2010

The Year of Magical Thinking....

It turns out that my "Year of Magical Thinking" has just come to an end. According to one of my many neuro-therapists "denial is not a plan". Says who? I was so HAPPY lazily floating down the river of denial. I decided a year ago that it wasn't really that important to know how time works, then I convinced myself that no one really knew all that past-present-future stuff that makes no sense. Well it turns out that people really do know when 2009 was. do you do that?

So I had to break down and buy that pill thing. It acknowledges that my memory just isn't going to cut it. Every night as I'm standing there holding a pill bottle I think, did I just take a pill? Am I going to take one? Then I think, I remember taking one, was that today, a minute ago, yesterday, last week? Every...single...night. Sooo today I had to admit to myself and to three therapists that I will start writing EVERYTHING down again, the time, the day, did I go for a run?? I have to write it down so I know that I did it......Yes, I know I'm not the only one on the planet that can't remember to take pills, but when was the last time you were in running gear and have no idea if you are going out the door to run or if you just came back? You say to your brother, "oh I finally got to see you!", and he says "I saw you last night remember?" Nope. Nothing. I asked my neurologist if he was POSITIVE that I didn't have Alzheimers and he said that a car accident doesn't give you Alzheimers, but a brain injury feels like it. I'm 42 not 82.

About the pill thing, I couldn't even figure out how it works. I had to call my husbnd at work and have him walk me through it. (It's better than me calling 10 times a day to make sure that the boys were at school. I'm past that hurdle thank goodness!) He's a great guy. He has taken on my memory like a baseball coach. "It takes a million swings, honey! Write it down, that is swing #1! You got this!!" But I have to say he can get a little impatient when trying to teach me the months of the year on a number line and I say that my months are different because my birthday is in October..... That stunned him a that not right?

Dang it. I was sooo happy just pretending that I knew what day it was, and I rarely "got caught" saying crazy things that make people a little nervous for me, I figured that was good enough. Turns out it isn't.

According to what I just wrote down, today is Friday, July 2, 2010. 7/2/10. One down 365ish to go.



  1. you can do it!! i did that with the pill today. I couldn't remember if i took one, then determined I didn't.

    But then to double check myself I counted the brand new bottle of thirty - and guess what? I took two today - oops!!

  2. I'm to chicken to take a pill if I think that I already took it, so I end up not taking them at all. Who invented this pill thing anyway?

  3. Wish you didn't have to do all this. But then one day your brain will say 'why are you writing this down, I know this" that will be a good day!

  4. What a journey you are on! You amaze me! Hang in there my friend one of these day's it's just gonna click... When the Texas heat passes let's take that road trip!